Ah, the dreaded/dreamed-about family road trip. Biff and I have taken dozens of trips with the kids, and boy have we had some mega successes and some horrific failures. Here are some tips we’ve developed over the years to help us cope with family road trips!Read More
“Why did you decide to gender your baby at birth?”
Every once in awhile, a stranger (usually online) will ask us this question.
In most cases, it’s intended as a “gotcha.” People who don’t want the best for us will ask it in jest, attempting to poke holes in our argument that perhaps gender is less rigid and fixed than we’ve been led to believe. Other times it’s asked by a trans or non-binary person who imagines that we are upholding the gender binary by assuming what gender our baby is.
It is rarely asked with good intention, but for the sake of this blog post… let’s assume it IS being asked that way (and then I’ll discuss why the first two ways of asking it are harmful).
I guess I have to explain my beliefs on gender to begin with.Read More
We put a lot of time and energy into thinking about ways to moderate our kids’ digital intake. They would do screentime all day every day if we let them, and we would rather they have literally NO screentime. How do we compromise? By finding educational and fun ways to engage them in tablet play. The Fire HD 8 Kids Edition tablet and FreeTime parental controls help us do just that!!!Read More
As a transgender person, I’ve had many strange conversations about gender. But none are as strange as the ones I have with and about my kids. Here’s part one in my series on gender and parenting, in which I discuss my resistance to dressing Hailey in feminine attire. Check it out!Read More
From Hotel Ranga to volcanoes to geysers to nature baths… Iceland was the dream vacation to end all dream vacations!!!Read More
We made a video recently in which Hailey answered questions posed by our Instagram followers. One of them asked about her relationship with her biological parents, and Hailey wanted to tackle it. Check out the video to see her answer!Read More
This year, we’ve been able to accomplish a couple of our holiday traditions with ease using the new Fire HD 8 Kids Edition. Hailey got hers just a couple of weeks ago and it couldn’t have come at a better time for her development. As it turns out, the Parent Dashboard allows me to pick and choose exactly what games, movies, and apps she’s allowed to access, AND I can see what she’s played, watched, and read at any time. I’ve already been able to pull a, “Tell me about that game!” so she could explain the strategy behind one of her new favorite apps, a problem-solving puzzle based on Beauty and the Beast.Read More
When you have a crappy stroller... you know it. It doesn’t open up easily, so you’re always trying to somehow balance your cup of coffee and your baby while pleading with the stroller to JUST UNLATCH ALREADY. There’s this little tiny space underneath where somehow you’re supposed to fit your diaper bag but in reality, only one kid-sized sweatshirt can be stored there. And when you have to put it away, it somehow always manages to collapse in the closet, pushing the hallway door open so guests can see all of last year’s Christmas decorations sitting there.Read More
The first couple of hours were tense. We both held tight to the other’s mistakes of recent weeks. The time he told me he wished Biff was his only dad. The time I told him he couldn’t have screen time because he pushed Hailey (I found out later that she lied about the pushing thing but was so mad about their bickering I said no screen time anyway). We listened to music in silence, Riley occasionally asking tentative questions about the trip. “Where are we going again?” “Did you remember my swimsuit?” “What if I twist my ankle?” I gave him the map and traced our journey over and over again. As the miles passed our mutual anger dissipated and I remembered he was just a kid and he remembered I was just a person and we started to sing along to the music and make plans for counting stars.Read More
I laid everything out the night before (Biff chuckling away in the kitchen watching me) and piled the heavy-ass packs into the car and set my alarm. “Tomorrow is backpacking, buddy! Go to sleep early because I’m gonna be waking you up at 6am!” He fell asleep with a giddy smile on his face, so stoked to be alone in the wilderness with just his dad.Read More
I forced myself to pick up the keys, kiss Biff goodbye, and just... go. The show was in a coworking space in the Industrial district of inner southeast Portland. I did sit alone, but the place was packed so it didn't matter. It was light in the space and there was no smoke, bar, or yelling.Read More
In the ocean surrounding Indralaya, microscopic plankton emit a bioluminescent light that reacts to movement in the water. So in the dead of night, when the sun has completely set, you can swim in the pitch black ocean and your body will light up as it moves. Everyone at camp does this midnight swim at some point in the week every year... except me.Read More
So after much hemming and hawing, I've decided to pursue top surgery. I have so many fears about it-- taking the time off work and burdening my coworkers with my slack, healing time and the way that will impact Biff and the kids, out of pocket costs and how our budget can sustain that hit. But this is my Year of Yes.Read More
I am in a constant battle with my own judgement of others. I try so hard not to imagine what I would do in a given circumstance because the reality is, I don't actually know what I might do in the shoes of another. So instead of go down the slippery slope of finger-pointing, I looked at my own life and tried to determine whether I was making that same mistake. Is life passing me by in ways I won't realize until my 50's or 60's? What are things I might look back on with regrets?Read More
When it comes to using the right pronouns, we want to be respectful and kind allies, but keep slipping up! We aren't sure how to handle hurting their feelings, using the right pronoun, apologizing, and making things right. The situation becomes awash in guilt, shame, self-flagellation, and judgment. Well, have no fear. This road has been tread before.Read More
How does Trystan reconcile being a man with being pregnant? Watch our video update to find out!Read More
We white people have failed our fellow white people. In our efforts to advance racial justice, we chose to leave our fellow white people behind. And these are the very people who have come to resent “political correctness.” These are the people who feel like no one cares about the ways in which they also face oppression. This is how they found a friend in Donald Trump.Read More
I often laugh with my friends because for years the media and politicians used the term “The Gay Agenda” to describe some big, scary set of goals that queer people wanted to push on everyone's children. But, it's true. We do have an agenda (at least I do). Only we're not trying to turn your kids into perverts... we're trying to turn them into compassionate, loving people.Read More
Honestly, I’ve never really felt like a dad. The things that I do for my family and my kids on a daily basis don’t seem to encompass how dads are portrayed in the media or in our culture. I suppose I could set out to redefine what it means to be a dad, but there is already a word that feels more appropriate to me: mom.Read More
Suddenly, my nights were spent soothing my crying baby. I was constantly flustered and scrambling to get my shit together. My once clean and tidy house became a whirlwind of shoes, toys, and an embarrassing amount of food crumbs. The same things began to happen to my personal appearance (including the crumbs). Bathing my children and making breakfast became a bit more important than fixing my hair. I started to find that the jeans that made my ass look good weren't the pants I wanted to wear to curl up on the couch and read children's books. I stopped noticing myself and so did everyone else. I stopped feeling sexy.Read More